John 15
12 “This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do what I command you. 15 No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you. 17 This I command you, that you love one another.
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about generosity. Although it isn't mentioned specifically in Galatians 5, it is certainly IN THE BIBLE. In a recent sermon on the topic, my pastor shared this: This issue of generosity is mentioned 2285 times in
the Bible; hope is mentioned
185 times, faith 246 times, love 733 times; generosity: 2285 times. What does
that tell you? It tells you this is important. All of that said, how many people misunderstand or dismiss generosity as an essential part of a Christian life?
Generosity has nothing to do with what you have or receive and everything to do with what you give.
Of love, you may say they are hateful, they don't deserve my love.
Jesus said love them as I have loved you.
and love them like you love yourself. (I've expanded on this before.)
Of kindness, you may say they are selfish,
but saying this makes us selfish. Paul said we should do
nothing from selfishness. (see Phil 2 below)
Of money, you may say you have none to spare.
"I am afraid that the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare."
–C.S. Lewis (Mark 12:41-44)
Philippians 2
1 Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, 2 make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. 3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. 5 Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, although He existed in the form of God,did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. 8 Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus EVERY KNEE WILL BOW, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
We mustn't measure our decisions based on how they will affect us but on how they glorify God and build His kingdom.
Give generously.
Love freely.
Show kindness always.
Do all of this with humility.
Matthew 5:16 Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.
Convenience is not a factor to be considered in the pursuit of generosity, and the generous spirit does not think of what it can gain.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Tough Stuff
Romans 8
Isaiah 40
5 Then the glory of the LORD will be revealed,And all flesh will see it together;
For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.”
6 A voice says, “Call out.”
Then he answered, “What shall I call out?”
All flesh is grass, and all its loveliness is like the flower of the field.
7 The grass withers, the flower fades,
When the breath of the LORD blows upon it;
Surely the people are grass.
8 The grass withers, the flower fades,
But the word of our God stands forever.
1 Peter 2
1 Therefore, putting aside all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander, 2 like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation, 3 if you have tasted the kindness of the Lord. . .
11 Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul. 12 Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles, so that in the thing in which they slander you as evildoers, they may because of your good deeds, as they observe them, glorify God in the day of visitation.
Sin is comfortable. It's easy. It requires no real effort, no sacrifice, no thought, and no courage. Sin is what happens when we give up, don't care, become bitter or angry, or allow ourselves to just be and not choose. We don't realize that we're falling into a pattern, establishing a way of life. All we think about is here, now, this is what I want to do. We live so far from righteousness that we can not see it clearly; we do not know what it is. But, everything can change, if we stop, turn around, and seek God. It's far more than changing behaviors; it's about changing our hearts.
Consider this: I don't think about what I eat. Whatever is convenient, whatever is cheap, whatever I am accustomed to is what I eat. I never exercise because that requires planning and work. What happens? I get fat. My health suffers. It's a slow process; I come to live in fat . The moment I eat the doughnut I may feel momentary guilt (or maybe not) but there's no clear indicator that my health or weight is changing. What happens is a day comes when I look in the mirror and see a fat, disgusting person who is not who I wanted to be. Healthy is so far away I don't know how to reach it or maybe I don't think it's possible. But everything can change, if I stop, turn around, and seek a healthy life. I can't just adjust my behavior until I feel better though. I have to change my focus, my way of thinking, my desires.
Either that or I die.
Acts 2
38 Peter said to them, “Repent, and each of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.
Galatians 5
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
New American Standard Bible (NASB) from http://www.biblegateway.com/
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
When a Man Loves a Woman
Sometimes you will do everything right. You'll be a great wife, but your man will still hurt you. He'll be cranky or bitter or feeling prideful, or simply just acting like a man; he'll say something careless; and your feelings will be unwittingly smashed to bits.
One common reason for this is financial insecurity. Men want to provide for their families. They want to feel successful, know they are bringing home the bacon, and make sure their wives don't have to worry about the bills getting paid. Don't fault them for this behavior; God created them to be that way. Though they may not always handle the responsibility well, they are simply seeking to be what they are called to be- heads of their homes.
Another frequent catalyst is injured ego. I can't stress enough how many times the Bible says, Wives, respect your husbands. God commands it because he formed us and he knows what makes us tick. Men get their feelings hurt too, but it happens in a different way. When they feel embarrassed, ignored, insulted, or trespassed upon, they will often lash out.
There are many reasons why a person might unintentionally hurt the one they love, and while these two examples represent a large number of male indiscretions, they are certainly not the only ones. That being said, let's talk about what to do when your sweet thing acts like anything but.
Typical reactions and why they're wrong:
Talking back/arguing- It never solves any problem. You may feel better for a moment, but all you've accomplished is aggravating the situation.
Crying- Sometimes this may be unavoidable, but here's a secret: When your man sees you are miserable, especially when he knows he caused it, he feels more miserable than before. You may not be able to see it because they usually demonstrate miserable differently than we do, but it is true. So, if you must cry in these situations, don't do it in front of him.
Discussing- Most men need time to cool down or refocus before they can talk about the conflict. If you start trying to talk it out too quickly you may cause him to become more agitated.
Silent Treatment- While a little bit of quiet time may be beneficial, shutting your man out completely is, let's face it, childish. You're going to frustrate and alienate with this tactic.
Complaining- Telling other girls about "how unbearable he is" is counterproductive. Don't badmouth your husband. Ever. It's a sin. PERIOD
Positive reactions and how they help:
Pray- Pray for your husband selflessly and your pain and anger melt away. (This is true when you pray for anyone, by the way.) Pray for him because he needs it and because you do.
Get some space- Take a walk, a bath, or a nap. Clean something. Write, paint, or play music. Exercise. Do whatever you can do to work off your frustration and give your man room to breathe.
Have the discussion with yourself- Sometimes writing down or saying to yourself what you want to say him helps you filter. It gives you a chance to hear what it is that you're saying. Furthermore, it gives you an opportunity to think about what you're implying.
Wait until he is ready to talk- Hard as it may be, you need to wait for him to initiate the conversation. Now, if time has passed and he is clearly trying to pretend it didn't happen, carefully decide whether to bring it up or let it go. It may be better to wait until another time to talk to him about this behavior in general terms. (i.e. Instead of "You were really mean to me last night." try "I feel ____ when you __.")
Enlist support. Have one or two strong Christian women who pray for you and your marriage all of the time. That way, when you have a situation, you can call them up and say 'I need you to pray for me' without the need to go into the gory details. See, it's okay and good to talk to another woman about your concerns and struggles, but it's terrible to only ever talk about your husband's faults, and it's rotten to spill the private details of your marriage relationship.
Questions and protests welcome. Hope this edifies you.
One common reason for this is financial insecurity. Men want to provide for their families. They want to feel successful, know they are bringing home the bacon, and make sure their wives don't have to worry about the bills getting paid. Don't fault them for this behavior; God created them to be that way. Though they may not always handle the responsibility well, they are simply seeking to be what they are called to be- heads of their homes.
Another frequent catalyst is injured ego. I can't stress enough how many times the Bible says, Wives, respect your husbands. God commands it because he formed us and he knows what makes us tick. Men get their feelings hurt too, but it happens in a different way. When they feel embarrassed, ignored, insulted, or trespassed upon, they will often lash out.
There are many reasons why a person might unintentionally hurt the one they love, and while these two examples represent a large number of male indiscretions, they are certainly not the only ones. That being said, let's talk about what to do when your sweet thing acts like anything but.
Typical reactions and why they're wrong:
Talking back/arguing- It never solves any problem. You may feel better for a moment, but all you've accomplished is aggravating the situation.
Crying- Sometimes this may be unavoidable, but here's a secret: When your man sees you are miserable, especially when he knows he caused it, he feels more miserable than before. You may not be able to see it because they usually demonstrate miserable differently than we do, but it is true. So, if you must cry in these situations, don't do it in front of him.
Discussing- Most men need time to cool down or refocus before they can talk about the conflict. If you start trying to talk it out too quickly you may cause him to become more agitated.
Silent Treatment- While a little bit of quiet time may be beneficial, shutting your man out completely is, let's face it, childish. You're going to frustrate and alienate with this tactic.
Complaining- Telling other girls about "how unbearable he is" is counterproductive. Don't badmouth your husband. Ever. It's a sin. PERIOD
Positive reactions and how they help:
Pray- Pray for your husband selflessly and your pain and anger melt away. (This is true when you pray for anyone, by the way.) Pray for him because he needs it and because you do.
Get some space- Take a walk, a bath, or a nap. Clean something. Write, paint, or play music. Exercise. Do whatever you can do to work off your frustration and give your man room to breathe.
Have the discussion with yourself- Sometimes writing down or saying to yourself what you want to say him helps you filter. It gives you a chance to hear what it is that you're saying. Furthermore, it gives you an opportunity to think about what you're implying.
Wait until he is ready to talk- Hard as it may be, you need to wait for him to initiate the conversation. Now, if time has passed and he is clearly trying to pretend it didn't happen, carefully decide whether to bring it up or let it go. It may be better to wait until another time to talk to him about this behavior in general terms. (i.e. Instead of "You were really mean to me last night." try "I feel ____ when you __.")
Enlist support. Have one or two strong Christian women who pray for you and your marriage all of the time. That way, when you have a situation, you can call them up and say 'I need you to pray for me' without the need to go into the gory details. See, it's okay and good to talk to another woman about your concerns and struggles, but it's terrible to only ever talk about your husband's faults, and it's rotten to spill the private details of your marriage relationship.
Questions and protests welcome. Hope this edifies you.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
All the Single Ladies
I had a revelation today on the drive home from work. Matt was the first person I ever began dating because we both cared about each other and enjoyed being together. Every other dating relationship previous to him was started due to a desire for personal attention or in order to avoid being alone. But with my beloved, I grew to love him, could no longer imagine not being with him, and did the only thing that made sense anymore. So, to the question of How do you know he's the one? I now have an answer, though I know it's not the only one.
You know he's the one when...
-It seems wrong to Not be with him.
See, it's not about comparing this guy to other guys or to the elusive Mr. Right. You know you're with the one, when you don't want to imagine your life without him anymore, and you know that you're willing to work things out with him when it gets hard.
Just a few words. Hope it's inspirational. KW
You know he's the one when...
-It seems wrong to Not be with him.
See, it's not about comparing this guy to other guys or to the elusive Mr. Right. You know you're with the one, when you don't want to imagine your life without him anymore, and you know that you're willing to work things out with him when it gets hard.
Just a few words. Hope it's inspirational. KW
Friday, September 16, 2011
Back to Business
April this year was really busy for me. I turned the calendar one day and realized it was summer. Mid-June we decided to move from Mississippi to North Carolina, and suddenly it's September. It's true, I guess, that the years do pass by more quickly the older you get. Was it really nine months ago that I started this blog? . . .and five months ago that I updated?
Well, the summer was a great time of reflection for me. My awesome friend Chesed reminded me how important it is to look back at your life and think about what God has taught you through the trials of life. I realized some lessons learned were only possible because of hard times I have endured. These lessons have improved my character and, furthermore, been the knowledge upon which later lessons were learned.
There are a lot of things I learned over these last five months that I want to share with you, so I'm making a declaration here and now that I WILL POST ONCE A WEEK, starting now. Questions and comments keep me motivated, so tell me what you think (even if it disagrees with what I write) and share the blog with your friends! :) Here we go again...
Well, the summer was a great time of reflection for me. My awesome friend Chesed reminded me how important it is to look back at your life and think about what God has taught you through the trials of life. I realized some lessons learned were only possible because of hard times I have endured. These lessons have improved my character and, furthermore, been the knowledge upon which later lessons were learned.
There are a lot of things I learned over these last five months that I want to share with you, so I'm making a declaration here and now that I WILL POST ONCE A WEEK, starting now. Questions and comments keep me motivated, so tell me what you think (even if it disagrees with what I write) and share the blog with your friends! :) Here we go again...
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Matrimony
A visit to my hometown this weekend afforded me a great conversation with some family members about marriage. One cousin, who will be getting married soon, was sharing a piece of "my best advice" someone had given him, so I told him what I thought. I've mentioned it before: Have mercy. It got me to thinking... most of the best wisdom for marriage can be said in very few words. So, here it is... all of my best advice for marriage, in small, easy to chew, bite-sized morsels (and longer, more thorough explanations of those simple words.) After all, what people remember about Martin Luther King's speech is that he had a dream, but there were fifteen hundred seventy-five other words in that speech that described his thinking.
Before you hear this advice, though, there is one principle you have to accept. You can only control you. What others are doing doesn't control whether or not you follow good instruction and make wise choices. Do your part.
1. Respect your husband. It's the number one commandment for wives. As such, it's undeniably a good idea. This means that you show him respect in your home, speak respectfully about him, and help to make him respected among your community. You don't say, "Yes dear" with rolled eyes or argue with him. You allow him to be the head of your home. Respected men are happy men.
2. Be merciful. See previous post: It's all in your head.
3. Communicate. Matt and I have never really fought. That's not to say that we never get irritated with each other or disagree. We just never fight. We get over our disagreements pretty quickly, and we agree that the reason is our good communication. We say what we're feeling. We don't say what "You" are doing. We just say exactly how we feel and why. We don't walk away or try to win. We communicate.
4. Meet his needs. It's your job as a wife to be a helper and to take care of your husband's needs. If you aren't meeting them, he will do one of two things: A) Become bitter. B) Look for someone else to meet them. This doesn't just mean being in the bedroom. Pay attention to your husband, identify what is important to him and what your role is, and see to it that you are doing all you can. Recreation is one area we women tend to over look...Whether he likes playing sports or watching TV, determine whether he wants space to do it or wants you there with him, and follow through. I recommend the book His Needs Her Needs for an in depth understanding of this concept. The book isn't flawless, but it is built on a really great concept.
5. Be committed. That's what marriage is. A choice to be with someone through the good and the bad. Don't give up. It's work sometimes. You can never say the marriage didn't work out, only We quit working on it.
Homework for next time: Proverbs 31- The Wife of Noble Character
Question: What's the best advice you've been given or would give regarding marriage?
Before you hear this advice, though, there is one principle you have to accept. You can only control you. What others are doing doesn't control whether or not you follow good instruction and make wise choices. Do your part.
1. Respect your husband. It's the number one commandment for wives. As such, it's undeniably a good idea. This means that you show him respect in your home, speak respectfully about him, and help to make him respected among your community. You don't say, "Yes dear" with rolled eyes or argue with him. You allow him to be the head of your home. Respected men are happy men.
2. Be merciful. See previous post: It's all in your head.
3. Communicate. Matt and I have never really fought. That's not to say that we never get irritated with each other or disagree. We just never fight. We get over our disagreements pretty quickly, and we agree that the reason is our good communication. We say what we're feeling. We don't say what "You" are doing. We just say exactly how we feel and why. We don't walk away or try to win. We communicate.
4. Meet his needs. It's your job as a wife to be a helper and to take care of your husband's needs. If you aren't meeting them, he will do one of two things: A) Become bitter. B) Look for someone else to meet them. This doesn't just mean being in the bedroom. Pay attention to your husband, identify what is important to him and what your role is, and see to it that you are doing all you can. Recreation is one area we women tend to over look...Whether he likes playing sports or watching TV, determine whether he wants space to do it or wants you there with him, and follow through. I recommend the book His Needs Her Needs for an in depth understanding of this concept. The book isn't flawless, but it is built on a really great concept.
5. Be committed. That's what marriage is. A choice to be with someone through the good and the bad. Don't give up. It's work sometimes. You can never say the marriage didn't work out, only We quit working on it.
Homework for next time: Proverbs 31- The Wife of Noble Character
Question: What's the best advice you've been given or would give regarding marriage?
Monday, March 28, 2011
Eyes Wide Open
One can spend most of her life studying and learn so little compared to what experience will teach her. It seems to me that God always chooses to teach me when I'm not looking for a lesson. Recently my husband and I led a group of college students on a trip to Arlington, Texas. I planned and organized for the team, something I really enjoyed. Organizing has always been a secret passion of mine, and teaching has really fine-tuned my skill. That being said, I have always acknowledged the fact that administration is not a spiritual gift of mine. Perhaps, running a classroom successfully had fooled me into thinking that I could manage people, but there are so many things that are different in that situation. The classroom is a controlled environment, in which I am the only adult and students must submit to my authority, I am clearly heads above them in knowledge and understanding, but, more importantly, I am aware of their sensitivity and the difference between when they are learning a tough lesson and when they are going to simply be crushed. In the classroom, I am in the zone. It is my sweet spot; I have the edge.
So, in Arlington, I took charge, made plans, and crushed spirits. It wasn't intentional, nor was I aware of it while committing the treachery. I had just taken such great efforts to plan and prepare for this trip that I felt others should recognize that I had things other control. Someone would make a suggestion, and I, being so full of pride, would be insulted that the person doing so had not trusted my plans. The problem is that I hate to be doubted. Soon, I realized I had made a few of the sweet young college women afraid to say anything to me. Looking into their faces I would see looks of sheer intimidation and discomfort. So, what do you do when you don't like what you're seeing in the mirror?
1. Identify the problem. I had to figure out why I was demeaning these sweet girls with my quick-tempered tongue lashing. I had stepped outside of my gifts. Being in charge is quite a far stretch from my true abilities, which lie among service and compassion.
2.Admit that you've failed. I had to swallow my pride, look those girls in the eyes and say, "I was wrong." I attempted to explain why I had been rude and asked for their forgiveness. It wasn't fun, but it was necessary. Because simply admitting to yourself that your wrong, accomplishes much less than letting others know that you see what they see.
3. Ask God to make you better. I thanked Him for teaching me through the situation and began drowning myself in His word in search of what more I could gain from this period of great weakness. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
4. Learn from it. So, does this mean I can never lead a trip again or organize an event for the college students I so treasure? Of course not! In fact, it has already been requested that I apply some of that organizational prowess to future events. However, I now know that when administering something, there are some considerations that must be made.
So, in Arlington, I took charge, made plans, and crushed spirits. It wasn't intentional, nor was I aware of it while committing the treachery. I had just taken such great efforts to plan and prepare for this trip that I felt others should recognize that I had things other control. Someone would make a suggestion, and I, being so full of pride, would be insulted that the person doing so had not trusted my plans. The problem is that I hate to be doubted. Soon, I realized I had made a few of the sweet young college women afraid to say anything to me. Looking into their faces I would see looks of sheer intimidation and discomfort. So, what do you do when you don't like what you're seeing in the mirror?
1. Identify the problem. I had to figure out why I was demeaning these sweet girls with my quick-tempered tongue lashing. I had stepped outside of my gifts. Being in charge is quite a far stretch from my true abilities, which lie among service and compassion.
2.Admit that you've failed. I had to swallow my pride, look those girls in the eyes and say, "I was wrong." I attempted to explain why I had been rude and asked for their forgiveness. It wasn't fun, but it was necessary. Because simply admitting to yourself that your wrong, accomplishes much less than letting others know that you see what they see.
3. Ask God to make you better. I thanked Him for teaching me through the situation and began drowning myself in His word in search of what more I could gain from this period of great weakness. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
4. Learn from it. So, does this mean I can never lead a trip again or organize an event for the college students I so treasure? Of course not! In fact, it has already been requested that I apply some of that organizational prowess to future events. However, I now know that when administering something, there are some considerations that must be made.
- I must rely more on my mate. My husband is excellent at administration and a lot better at holding his tongue than he gets credit for. He was there by my side throughout this horrible experience, and I took all of the responsibility upon myself, leaving him to do the heavy lifting and nightly runs for ice.
- I have to be aware of my limits. Knowing that I'm stepping into a territory where I am not a natural, I should always lean on God. I prayed for this trip...for the students, the work we would do, the things we would learn, the people we would meet.... I never prayed that God would be in control or that He would enable me to be a good leader. I took for granted that it was a big deal.
- I need to daily bathe myself in light. The hardest, busiest times of life are those in which we most need time in the Word of our Creator, the one who has made us and given us instructions to live by.
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