Submission Impossible?

            Most books, sermons, and discussions regarding submission seem to begin with an attempt to define submission. My approach is somewhat different. I believe, before you start thinking about what submission is and how to accomplish it, you must first accept the idea that submission is your responsibility and you are capable of it. I married much sooner than many of my female friends, and I have heard a lot of commentary on what single ladies say they feel about the matter. It’s difficult to fully grasp the idea until you are bound for life to a living, breathing, meat-eating man.  However, the more we learn and consider the possibilities, the better we will be prepared for this adventure.

           Today, I'll start with some common arguments and my responses to them.  Before I do that, there’s one basic fact that I must enforce. Everything else I say on the topic of marriage is built on this. I’ll expound on it later, but for the sake of your attention span I’m just going to put it out there right now:

Marriage is a commitment. It isn’t about soul mates, fate, passion, feeling good, happiness, or any other thing. It isn’t something to be taken lightly. Its primary purpose is to reflect the relationship between Christ and His followers. Marriage is a stick-to-it, don’t-give-up, seek-the-face-of-God, love-until-it-hurts commitment.

             That being said, let’s return to the topic at hand… Ephesians 5:
22Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

Argument 1: He’ll have to be a really strong man to lead me.   Usually, these words are spoken by a woman who considers herself to be strong-willed, independent, a leader. My response to this is simple. Being submissive isn’t about finding a man who can handle you. It’s about you being strong enough to follow God’s instructions. The misconception about submission is that it means you’re the weaker person, but the truth is being Biblically submissive takes resolve, determination, and great strength of character. So, while you certainly shouldn’t commit to marriage with a man who you don’t believe can lead you, know that being submissive is about your strength, not his, or, more exactly, it’s about God’s strength in you.

Argument 2: My husband (fiancé/boyfriend) is not as serious about his faith as I am. There are a lot of variations on this one, but it boils down to this: How can I follow someone who is not leading? Well, there are two ways to respond to this. 1) If you aren’t married yet, you can choose not to marry him. End the relationship, and quit complaining.  2) If you are married, or you are committed to this man, you have one option left. 1 Peter 3: ¹In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, ²as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. A story that always comes to mind is that of an older couple I once knew-the grandparents of a friend. When they married, she was a devout follower and he was not. She respected him, served him dutifully, and prayed and fasted without fail. She never nagged him. He became a believer, and when I knew them, they were a faithfully devoted couple. Recently, I heard a revivalist say, Wives, it is not your job to demand that your husband lead you. When you do that, you are leading him. It can be difficult not to tell your husband when you think he’s failing in some way, but the truth is men get their feelings (i.e. ego) hurt easily. God, in His great wisdom, advises women again and again to respect their husbands. Your husband will not feel respected if you are telling him how poorly he leads you. However, if you are devoted to him and faithful to God, he can “see your good works and glorify your Father, who is in heaven.” [Matt 5:16] 

Argument 3: He doesn’t do his part. If he isn’t treating me with love and respect, why should I submit to him? Because it’s not about you. It’s all about God. If you don’t believe the purpose of your life (and therefore all facets of your life) is to reflect the glory and love of God, you’re missing a very important point of Christianity. God blesses us with the companionship of a spouse because He understands how we work, but, as with all blessings, we must use what we’re given to honor Him. When you look at your mate, and he’s disappointing, think about what your life must look like to God sometimes. He extends unconditional love and mercy toward us despite our failures, and we, in turn, should extend love and mercy toward others. If we both keep thinking, ‘He/She isn’t doing her part, so I’m not going to try,’ we create an endless cycle of hurt feelings, disappointment, and bitterness. Again, being a submissive wife requires strength and grace. Sometimes it means taking the first step. Christ served his disciples to teach them how to lead; he didn’t lecture, argue, or berate. Ephesians 5: ¹Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; ²and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us.

There is much to understand about how to submit and why it’s important. The first question, though, is Are You Willing?