A visit to my hometown this weekend afforded me a great conversation with some family members about marriage. One cousin, who will be getting married soon, was sharing a piece of "my best advice" someone had given him, so I told him what I thought. I've mentioned it before: Have mercy. It got me to thinking... most of the best wisdom for marriage can be said in very few words. So, here it is... all of my best advice for marriage, in small, easy to chew, bite-sized morsels (and longer, more thorough explanations of those simple words.) After all, what people remember about Martin Luther King's speech is that he had a dream, but there were fifteen hundred seventy-five other words in that speech that described his thinking.
Before you hear this advice, though, there is one principle you have to accept. You can only control you. What others are doing doesn't control whether or not you follow good instruction and make wise choices. Do your part.
1. Respect your husband. It's the number one commandment for wives. As such, it's undeniably a good idea. This means that you show him respect in your home, speak respectfully about him, and help to make him respected among your community. You don't say, "Yes dear" with rolled eyes or argue with him. You allow him to be the head of your home. Respected men are happy men.
2. Be merciful. See previous post: It's all in your head.
3. Communicate. Matt and I have never really fought. That's not to say that we never get irritated with each other or disagree. We just never fight. We get over our disagreements pretty quickly, and we agree that the reason is our good communication. We say what we're feeling. We don't say what "You" are doing. We just say exactly how we feel and why. We don't walk away or try to win. We communicate.
4. Meet his needs. It's your job as a wife to be a helper and to take care of your husband's needs. If you aren't meeting them, he will do one of two things: A) Become bitter. B) Look for someone else to meet them. This doesn't just mean being in the bedroom. Pay attention to your husband, identify what is important to him and what your role is, and see to it that you are doing all you can. Recreation is one area we women tend to over look...Whether he likes playing sports or watching TV, determine whether he wants space to do it or wants you there with him, and follow through. I recommend the book His Needs Her Needs for an in depth understanding of this concept. The book isn't flawless, but it is built on a really great concept.
5. Be committed. That's what marriage is. A choice to be with someone through the good and the bad. Don't give up. It's work sometimes. You can never say the marriage didn't work out, only We quit working on it.
Homework for next time: Proverbs 31- The Wife of Noble Character
Question: What's the best advice you've been given or would give regarding marriage?
