What being married has taught me about following Jesus.

I had an epiphany a few months ago. Always, I've known that a definite relationship exists between the marriage of a man and woman and the bond between Christ and the Church. It was clear that marriage was to be modeled after God's love for His children and that the family was meant to glorify God. The fact that scripture could teach me how to be married was undeniable. However, it took me about 26 years (3 of which I was actually married) to understand that marriage could teach me how to follow Jesus. Below is a visual I created to demonstrate my light bulb moment. I hope that it is edifying to you as well.

The first step is getting engaged. 

The first step is “getting saved.” Just like a marriage proposal, this experience can be shared with others or kept quietly between two, it can be an exciting and joyful occasion or a somber and simply important moment, and it can be decided quickly or thought over meticulously. The details differ because people are different. The bottom line is you DECIDE to do it. There is a point of becoming.

        

Then, there’s a wedding ceremony.

  The second step is profession and/or baptism. Just like the wedding ceremony, it is a time to announce your decision, share your joy with others, celebrate the change in your life, and create accountability between you and those witnessing. It says, I’m a believer, so you can expect me to behave like a believer, much like a wedding says, I’m married, so you can expect me to behave as a married person.

 After that, there’s the rest of your life, committing to the one you love.

 The third step is the most important. It’s the commitment. Through the wonderful, the not so great, and the terrible, you decide each day to follow Christ, just like a person in a marriage must make decisions and follow through on them in order to be a good spouse.

The years and years won’t always be as magical as the engagement or the wedding day, but they are what will define your marriage. Likewise, the years and years of living a life for Christ will define you as a follower. 

Ephesians 5:31-33 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.                

Not Another Silly Love Song

Matthew 22:35-40    35One of [the Pharisees], an expert in the law, tested him with this question: ³⁶ “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” ³⁷ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ ³⁸This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ⁴⁰ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.

Monday was that special day of the year when those with a someone special get all gooey-eyed and those without all too often get distressed and depressed: Valentine's Day. Now, if you, like the majority, spent the last week thinking about yourself and/or your sweetheart, I'd like to invite you to use that selfishness for your own education while reading this.If you didn't dwell on Valentine's Day, or it was maybe to you just a Monday, then I would like to open your eyes as well. 


In Matthew 22, Jesus commands us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. You know that means love others, but have you ever thought about how you love yourself? Have you thought about how you can be intentional in trying to love others? Take a minute and try to make a list... your first reaction may be that you don't think about yourself that much, but if you take time to consider the following questions, you may have a different impression.

1. Are you interested in what happens in your life?
Does it matter if you ...lose a job?  ...have your phone stolen?  ...are low on money?  ...get your feelings hurt?  ...have a bad day?
Show interest in the lives of others.

2.  Do you protect yourself from pain? 
Do you join in when others are putting you down? If you find out that others are gossiping about you, do you agree with them? Do you point out your flaws to others? Do you spread rumors about yourself? Do you encourage your guy to flirt with other girls? 

You don't do these things to yourself; don't do them to other people. 

3. Do you do some things just to make yourself happy? 
Do you ever  ...make your favorite meal for dinner?  ...spend time playing games or watching TV/movies that other people don't like?  ...take naps?  ...have your nails done or get a massage?  ...go shopping for non essentials?  You can think of the things you do just for you...then, think of how you can do things just to make other people happy. (Please handle with care.)

4. Do you want other people to care about you? 

Do you like for people to listen when you're talking to them?  Do you want others to notice when you're having trouble?  Do you appreciate help in your times of need?  Do you prefer doing tedious tasks with someone else? Does a thoughtful card, note, email, voice mail, etc. make you smile? Do enjoy having a meal you didn't have to cook? Do you like getting gifts?
Luke 6:31  "Do to others as you would have them do to you." 

5. Do you pray for things that you need, want, and hope for?
Pray for others.
James 5:16  "...The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much."

I implore you, use the opportunities you are given, be intentional in loving others, and in humility value others above yourselves.

^{1 John 4: 7-12   7} Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.  Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹ This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him . ¹⁰This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹² No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

It's All in Your Head

Until November my exercise routine was inconsistent, to say the least. The week before Thanksgiving I found resolve. I made plans with a friend to start exercising every morning before work, and soon I was working out 6 days a week. I had done this every week for seven weeks, but week before last, exhausted from the busyness of my life, I got off schedule. This weekend, looking at the calendar where I track my progress, I lamented to Matt, "I have got to get back on track Monday. I haven't gotten 6 days the last two weeks." Then, I started laughing at myself, because I realized that now 3 days a week is not good enough for me when there was a time that I would have been proud of that. It's all about attitude. How awesome is it that I have raised my standard such that I still exercise 3 times on a bad week?
It got me to thinking: Attitude is at the heart of all our successes... and our failures. When we look at scripture, this is undeniable.


• I'll start in Genesis. Why was Cain's offering not accepted? Attitude. See Genesis 4 for the story and 1 John 3:11-12 for the assessment.


• The Israelites... Do I even have to elaborate? Every time God gave them another reason to believe it seems they found something else to complain about.

• And then there was Job. Job 1:1 "There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job; and that man was blameless, upright, fearing God and turning away from evil." Job suffered greatly for the glory of God. His health, his livelihood, his family: nothing was left untouched. Job's wife said, Curse God and die. What is your life worth now? Job 2:10 "But he said to her, 'You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?' In all this Job did not sin with his lips." The struggle was tough, but Job glorified God in a way that we remember to this day, thousands of years later, AND he was reward. His doubting friends were cursed, he became prosperous and fruitful, and he lived a long life.


• Look at the parable of the widow. She gave very little, but her attitude in giving was commended above that of those who gave much. Mark 12:41-44


The Bible is full of examples of attitude determining the outcome of God's people. Additionally, scripture tells us that our attitude matters. Read Philippians 2:1-18.




Now, if I have you convinced that your attitude determines your outcome, let's talk about how that plays out at home. For most of us, the very worst of who we are comes out with our families. It's sad but true, the people we love the most are the ones we dump our dark, ugly feelings on. I can understand how people justify this, but I don't think it's okay. According to my understanding of scripture, we should start right at home if we want to end right everywhere else. The best advice given to me regarding marriage was this: Have mercy. So simple, but so difficult. (SIDEBAR: My mom's motto has long been "Don't sweat the small stuff." Funny that we have to tell ourselves not to worry about small stuff, but more often than not, the source of discontent in our lives is not a major issue.) God's mercy is the most amazing thing about Him. The fact that he provides for us despite our lack of gratefulness is what makes His "grace, grace...wonderful grace."


So, considering Philliapians 2 and that phrase, 'Have mercy,' I'll explain how I've learned to adjust my attitude.

My husband leaves his gigantic, size 13 shoes laying all over the living room floor. I'm not talking about one pair each day or the same pair all of the time. I'm talking four, five pairs of shoes taking up the walking space of the tiny living room in which resides a woman who often trips over her own two feet. This is not a sometimes problem, it is an every day issue. A typical reaction might be to fuss and nag. A possible reaction could include arguing and throwing said boats at my husband's head. Instead, I decided during our first year of our marriage to adjust my attitude and solve the problem. Rather than letting the shoes drive me crazy or starting a fight with my beloved over small stuff, I pick them up. Several times a week I pick up his shoes and carry them to his closet. I do it in love, and now it is less a chore and more a habit. My husband knows that I pick up his shoes. The shoes in the floor don't bother him, but my act of picking up his shoes with a smile does make him aware of my love. Thus, a potential weekly fight becomes a loving act of service. I could give other examples, but this is my favorite. Whenever your special fella does that one thing that isn't really important but seems designed to turn your hair gray, smile and adjust your attitude. It will be hard at first, but over time you'll begin to see a difference in yourself. And, really, our attitudes are the only ones we can control, and when we take care of our attitudes, other people are always affected.


For you this may need to start broader than the space of your living room. Are you loudly impatient when the checkout line doesn't move as fast as you think it should? Do you complain because you don't agree with the way your boss runs things? Is your reaction to other people's rudeness to outdo them with your own venom? The point is denying our own rights in order to show love to others.


Follow these simple steps:
a. Hold your tongue.
b. Choose to live Philippians 2.
c. Watch the glories of God unfold.


mercy [mur-see] n compassionate or kindly forbearance (refraining from the enforcement of a right) shown toward an offender