Submission Impossible?

            Most books, sermons, and discussions regarding submission seem to begin with an attempt to define submission. My approach is somewhat different. I believe, before you start thinking about what submission is and how to accomplish it, you must first accept the idea that submission is your responsibility and you are capable of it. I married much sooner than many of my female friends, and I have heard a lot of commentary on what single ladies say they feel about the matter. It’s difficult to fully grasp the idea until you are bound for life to a living, breathing, meat-eating man.  However, the more we learn and consider the possibilities, the better we will be prepared for this adventure.

           Today, I'll start with some common arguments and my responses to them.  Before I do that, there’s one basic fact that I must enforce. Everything else I say on the topic of marriage is built on this. I’ll expound on it later, but for the sake of your attention span I’m just going to put it out there right now:

Marriage is a commitment. It isn’t about soul mates, fate, passion, feeling good, happiness, or any other thing. It isn’t something to be taken lightly. Its primary purpose is to reflect the relationship between Christ and His followers. Marriage is a stick-to-it, don’t-give-up, seek-the-face-of-God, love-until-it-hurts commitment.

             That being said, let’s return to the topic at hand… Ephesians 5:
22Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

Argument 1: He’ll have to be a really strong man to lead me.   Usually, these words are spoken by a woman who considers herself to be strong-willed, independent, a leader. My response to this is simple. Being submissive isn’t about finding a man who can handle you. It’s about you being strong enough to follow God’s instructions. The misconception about submission is that it means you’re the weaker person, but the truth is being Biblically submissive takes resolve, determination, and great strength of character. So, while you certainly shouldn’t commit to marriage with a man who you don’t believe can lead you, know that being submissive is about your strength, not his, or, more exactly, it’s about God’s strength in you.

Argument 2: My husband (fiancé/boyfriend) is not as serious about his faith as I am. There are a lot of variations on this one, but it boils down to this: How can I follow someone who is not leading? Well, there are two ways to respond to this. 1) If you aren’t married yet, you can choose not to marry him. End the relationship, and quit complaining.  2) If you are married, or you are committed to this man, you have one option left. 1 Peter 3: ¹In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, ²as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. A story that always comes to mind is that of an older couple I once knew-the grandparents of a friend. When they married, she was a devout follower and he was not. She respected him, served him dutifully, and prayed and fasted without fail. She never nagged him. He became a believer, and when I knew them, they were a faithfully devoted couple. Recently, I heard a revivalist say, Wives, it is not your job to demand that your husband lead you. When you do that, you are leading him. It can be difficult not to tell your husband when you think he’s failing in some way, but the truth is men get their feelings (i.e. ego) hurt easily. God, in His great wisdom, advises women again and again to respect their husbands. Your husband will not feel respected if you are telling him how poorly he leads you. However, if you are devoted to him and faithful to God, he can “see your good works and glorify your Father, who is in heaven.” [Matt 5:16] 

Argument 3: He doesn’t do his part. If he isn’t treating me with love and respect, why should I submit to him? Because it’s not about you. It’s all about God. If you don’t believe the purpose of your life (and therefore all facets of your life) is to reflect the glory and love of God, you’re missing a very important point of Christianity. God blesses us with the companionship of a spouse because He understands how we work, but, as with all blessings, we must use what we’re given to honor Him. When you look at your mate, and he’s disappointing, think about what your life must look like to God sometimes. He extends unconditional love and mercy toward us despite our failures, and we, in turn, should extend love and mercy toward others. If we both keep thinking, ‘He/She isn’t doing her part, so I’m not going to try,’ we create an endless cycle of hurt feelings, disappointment, and bitterness. Again, being a submissive wife requires strength and grace. Sometimes it means taking the first step. Christ served his disciples to teach them how to lead; he didn’t lecture, argue, or berate. Ephesians 5: ¹Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; ²and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us.

There is much to understand about how to submit and why it’s important. The first question, though, is Are You Willing?

If everyone else jumped off a bridge...

 "Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth. But avoid worldly and empty chatter, for it will lead to further ungodliness, and their talk will spread like gangrene...Everyone who names the name of the Lord is to abstain from wickedness. The Lord's bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will."  (2 Timothy) 

My mother taught me to think for myself. Among her frequent admonishments were, "You're the one who has to wear it," "Those girls aren't my daughters," and, most importantly, "Don't base your success on what others are doing; do the best you can do."  It was a good lesson for me as a teenager, but these days I have adapted that bit of advice to a slightly deeper standard: 

Don't base your success on what others are doing; do what God wills for you.

What God can do through us ALWAYS exceeds what we are able to do with our very best. This is a principle I operate on and one that has helped me to experience many blessings. So, consider these things:

• When someone treats you poorly, don't think about what they are doing. Think about the possibility you have to show the unconditional love of God. 
• When people are gossiping or engaging in "empty chatter" you know not to join in, but what do you do? Some may stand awkwardly, refusing to participate while others will simply walk away. Have you ever spoken up in love to put an end to the talk? It may not be the popular choice, but, then, God never promised us popularity... nor did He suggest that it was good. (Mark 8:34-35 “<Jesus said,> Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it.)
• When you consider the state of your life, don't think, "Have I done everything I wanted to do by this point in life?...Should I be (married, having children, settled, etc.) by now?" Simply ask yourself this:
  
  
   "Am I living the life that God has prepared for me?"

Chief Learner

    

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. (Matthew 5:6)

Once, in my youth, I sat in a "Sunday School" class where the teacher asked, "How many of you read your Bible every day this week?" I lifted my hand, fully expecting to see others do the same, so I was dumbfounded when no one else did. In fact, a few others raised eyebrows at me, as if to say, "Liar." The teacher went on to ask, "How many of you read your Bible one day this week when you weren't at church?" This line of questioning continued until I realized not one of my peers had even picked their Bible up since the last time they were sitting in that room. They had no desire for personal growth, or so it seemed to me. At that season in my life, I couldn't seem to make it through a day with out pouring over scripture in search of truth and wisdom.

I'm still hungry for knowledge, but when I look back a decade to that teenage version of my self I have to chuckle. That simple girl, so excited to know more of God's word couldn't comprehend how many people don't "hunger and thirst for righteousness." Now, there have certainly been times in my life when I was sick of being in school, tired of studying, and completely disgusted by the idea of reading yet another journal article, but the longing for wisdom and knowledge has never been far from me. This is so true, that I actually asked my husband to buy the two books pictured here as my birthday gift this year. He was delighted, knowing that he wouldn't have to 'come up' with a gift on his own, and I was excited that I had an excuse to get new books on what has recently become one of my favorite topics.

I enjoy reading Christian, biblically-based perspectives on marriage because, for years, having a marriage that truly exemplifies God's purposes for the union of man and woman has been a resolution of mine. I passionately seek to be the kind of wife that Matt can be proud of and, more importantly, that God will use for His glory. Although I feel that I've done fairly well, improving all the time, the last 3 1/2 years, I continue to read, study, and glean from those further along in the journey, and, you know, I haven't gotten bored yet. I've seen that when I seek wisdom from God, the supply is endless. I can never be all-knowing. And, though our marriage is a good one, it isn't perfect. After all, how can two imperfect people ever create a perfect partnership?

This year I'm working under a principal who refers to herself as the chief learner. She reminds her staff that we will become ineffective as teachers the day that we quit learning, and I think, How Biblical!  So, that's the purpose of this blog, really. Though my sincere hope and prayer is that the words I am able to share here will be edifying to all who read, so long as I am being continually motivated to learn more about my Savior and am growing as a child of God, my time will not have been spent in vain.