I had a revelation today on the drive home from work. Matt was the first person I ever began dating because we both cared about each other and enjoyed being together. Every other dating relationship previous to him was started due to a desire for personal attention or in order to avoid being alone. But with my beloved, I grew to love him, could no longer imagine not being with him, and did the only thing that made sense anymore. So, to the question of How do you know he's the one? I now have an answer, though I know it's not the only one.
You know he's the one when...
-It seems wrong to Not be with him.
See, it's not about comparing this guy to other guys or to the elusive Mr. Right. You know you're with the one, when you don't want to imagine your life without him anymore, and you know that you're willing to work things out with him when it gets hard.
Just a few words. Hope it's inspirational. KW
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
Back to Business
April this year was really busy for me. I turned the calendar one day and realized it was summer. Mid-June we decided to move from Mississippi to North Carolina, and suddenly it's September. It's true, I guess, that the years do pass by more quickly the older you get. Was it really nine months ago that I started this blog? . . .and five months ago that I updated?
Well, the summer was a great time of reflection for me. My awesome friend Chesed reminded me how important it is to look back at your life and think about what God has taught you through the trials of life. I realized some lessons learned were only possible because of hard times I have endured. These lessons have improved my character and, furthermore, been the knowledge upon which later lessons were learned.
There are a lot of things I learned over these last five months that I want to share with you, so I'm making a declaration here and now that I WILL POST ONCE A WEEK, starting now. Questions and comments keep me motivated, so tell me what you think (even if it disagrees with what I write) and share the blog with your friends! :) Here we go again...
Well, the summer was a great time of reflection for me. My awesome friend Chesed reminded me how important it is to look back at your life and think about what God has taught you through the trials of life. I realized some lessons learned were only possible because of hard times I have endured. These lessons have improved my character and, furthermore, been the knowledge upon which later lessons were learned.
There are a lot of things I learned over these last five months that I want to share with you, so I'm making a declaration here and now that I WILL POST ONCE A WEEK, starting now. Questions and comments keep me motivated, so tell me what you think (even if it disagrees with what I write) and share the blog with your friends! :) Here we go again...
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Matrimony
A visit to my hometown this weekend afforded me a great conversation with some family members about marriage. One cousin, who will be getting married soon, was sharing a piece of "my best advice" someone had given him, so I told him what I thought. I've mentioned it before: Have mercy. It got me to thinking... most of the best wisdom for marriage can be said in very few words. So, here it is... all of my best advice for marriage, in small, easy to chew, bite-sized morsels (and longer, more thorough explanations of those simple words.) After all, what people remember about Martin Luther King's speech is that he had a dream, but there were fifteen hundred seventy-five other words in that speech that described his thinking.
Before you hear this advice, though, there is one principle you have to accept. You can only control you. What others are doing doesn't control whether or not you follow good instruction and make wise choices. Do your part.
1. Respect your husband. It's the number one commandment for wives. As such, it's undeniably a good idea. This means that you show him respect in your home, speak respectfully about him, and help to make him respected among your community. You don't say, "Yes dear" with rolled eyes or argue with him. You allow him to be the head of your home. Respected men are happy men.
2. Be merciful. See previous post: It's all in your head.
3. Communicate. Matt and I have never really fought. That's not to say that we never get irritated with each other or disagree. We just never fight. We get over our disagreements pretty quickly, and we agree that the reason is our good communication. We say what we're feeling. We don't say what "You" are doing. We just say exactly how we feel and why. We don't walk away or try to win. We communicate.
4. Meet his needs. It's your job as a wife to be a helper and to take care of your husband's needs. If you aren't meeting them, he will do one of two things: A) Become bitter. B) Look for someone else to meet them. This doesn't just mean being in the bedroom. Pay attention to your husband, identify what is important to him and what your role is, and see to it that you are doing all you can. Recreation is one area we women tend to over look...Whether he likes playing sports or watching TV, determine whether he wants space to do it or wants you there with him, and follow through. I recommend the book His Needs Her Needs for an in depth understanding of this concept. The book isn't flawless, but it is built on a really great concept.
5. Be committed. That's what marriage is. A choice to be with someone through the good and the bad. Don't give up. It's work sometimes. You can never say the marriage didn't work out, only We quit working on it.
Homework for next time: Proverbs 31- The Wife of Noble Character
Question: What's the best advice you've been given or would give regarding marriage?
Before you hear this advice, though, there is one principle you have to accept. You can only control you. What others are doing doesn't control whether or not you follow good instruction and make wise choices. Do your part.
1. Respect your husband. It's the number one commandment for wives. As such, it's undeniably a good idea. This means that you show him respect in your home, speak respectfully about him, and help to make him respected among your community. You don't say, "Yes dear" with rolled eyes or argue with him. You allow him to be the head of your home. Respected men are happy men.
2. Be merciful. See previous post: It's all in your head.
3. Communicate. Matt and I have never really fought. That's not to say that we never get irritated with each other or disagree. We just never fight. We get over our disagreements pretty quickly, and we agree that the reason is our good communication. We say what we're feeling. We don't say what "You" are doing. We just say exactly how we feel and why. We don't walk away or try to win. We communicate.
4. Meet his needs. It's your job as a wife to be a helper and to take care of your husband's needs. If you aren't meeting them, he will do one of two things: A) Become bitter. B) Look for someone else to meet them. This doesn't just mean being in the bedroom. Pay attention to your husband, identify what is important to him and what your role is, and see to it that you are doing all you can. Recreation is one area we women tend to over look...Whether he likes playing sports or watching TV, determine whether he wants space to do it or wants you there with him, and follow through. I recommend the book His Needs Her Needs for an in depth understanding of this concept. The book isn't flawless, but it is built on a really great concept.
5. Be committed. That's what marriage is. A choice to be with someone through the good and the bad. Don't give up. It's work sometimes. You can never say the marriage didn't work out, only We quit working on it.
Homework for next time: Proverbs 31- The Wife of Noble Character
Question: What's the best advice you've been given or would give regarding marriage?
Monday, March 28, 2011
Eyes Wide Open
One can spend most of her life studying and learn so little compared to what experience will teach her. It seems to me that God always chooses to teach me when I'm not looking for a lesson. Recently my husband and I led a group of college students on a trip to Arlington, Texas. I planned and organized for the team, something I really enjoyed. Organizing has always been a secret passion of mine, and teaching has really fine-tuned my skill. That being said, I have always acknowledged the fact that administration is not a spiritual gift of mine. Perhaps, running a classroom successfully had fooled me into thinking that I could manage people, but there are so many things that are different in that situation. The classroom is a controlled environment, in which I am the only adult and students must submit to my authority, I am clearly heads above them in knowledge and understanding, but, more importantly, I am aware of their sensitivity and the difference between when they are learning a tough lesson and when they are going to simply be crushed. In the classroom, I am in the zone. It is my sweet spot; I have the edge.
So, in Arlington, I took charge, made plans, and crushed spirits. It wasn't intentional, nor was I aware of it while committing the treachery. I had just taken such great efforts to plan and prepare for this trip that I felt others should recognize that I had things other control. Someone would make a suggestion, and I, being so full of pride, would be insulted that the person doing so had not trusted my plans. The problem is that I hate to be doubted. Soon, I realized I had made a few of the sweet young college women afraid to say anything to me. Looking into their faces I would see looks of sheer intimidation and discomfort. So, what do you do when you don't like what you're seeing in the mirror?
1. Identify the problem. I had to figure out why I was demeaning these sweet girls with my quick-tempered tongue lashing. I had stepped outside of my gifts. Being in charge is quite a far stretch from my true abilities, which lie among service and compassion.
2.Admit that you've failed. I had to swallow my pride, look those girls in the eyes and say, "I was wrong." I attempted to explain why I had been rude and asked for their forgiveness. It wasn't fun, but it was necessary. Because simply admitting to yourself that your wrong, accomplishes much less than letting others know that you see what they see.
3. Ask God to make you better. I thanked Him for teaching me through the situation and began drowning myself in His word in search of what more I could gain from this period of great weakness. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
4. Learn from it. So, does this mean I can never lead a trip again or organize an event for the college students I so treasure? Of course not! In fact, it has already been requested that I apply some of that organizational prowess to future events. However, I now know that when administering something, there are some considerations that must be made.
So, in Arlington, I took charge, made plans, and crushed spirits. It wasn't intentional, nor was I aware of it while committing the treachery. I had just taken such great efforts to plan and prepare for this trip that I felt others should recognize that I had things other control. Someone would make a suggestion, and I, being so full of pride, would be insulted that the person doing so had not trusted my plans. The problem is that I hate to be doubted. Soon, I realized I had made a few of the sweet young college women afraid to say anything to me. Looking into their faces I would see looks of sheer intimidation and discomfort. So, what do you do when you don't like what you're seeing in the mirror?
1. Identify the problem. I had to figure out why I was demeaning these sweet girls with my quick-tempered tongue lashing. I had stepped outside of my gifts. Being in charge is quite a far stretch from my true abilities, which lie among service and compassion.
2.Admit that you've failed. I had to swallow my pride, look those girls in the eyes and say, "I was wrong." I attempted to explain why I had been rude and asked for their forgiveness. It wasn't fun, but it was necessary. Because simply admitting to yourself that your wrong, accomplishes much less than letting others know that you see what they see.
3. Ask God to make you better. I thanked Him for teaching me through the situation and began drowning myself in His word in search of what more I could gain from this period of great weakness. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
4. Learn from it. So, does this mean I can never lead a trip again or organize an event for the college students I so treasure? Of course not! In fact, it has already been requested that I apply some of that organizational prowess to future events. However, I now know that when administering something, there are some considerations that must be made.
- I must rely more on my mate. My husband is excellent at administration and a lot better at holding his tongue than he gets credit for. He was there by my side throughout this horrible experience, and I took all of the responsibility upon myself, leaving him to do the heavy lifting and nightly runs for ice.
- I have to be aware of my limits. Knowing that I'm stepping into a territory where I am not a natural, I should always lean on God. I prayed for this trip...for the students, the work we would do, the things we would learn, the people we would meet.... I never prayed that God would be in control or that He would enable me to be a good leader. I took for granted that it was a big deal.
- I need to daily bathe myself in light. The hardest, busiest times of life are those in which we most need time in the Word of our Creator, the one who has made us and given us instructions to live by.
Friday, February 25, 2011
What being married has taught me about following Jesus.
I had an epiphany a few months ago. Always, I've known that a definite relationship exists between the marriage of a man and woman and the bond between Christ and the Church. It was clear that marriage was to be modeled after God's love for His children and that the family was meant to glorify God. The fact that scripture could teach me how to be married was undeniable. However, it took me about 26 years (3 of which I was actually married) to understand that marriage could teach me how to follow Jesus. Below is a visual I created to demonstrate my light bulb moment. I hope that it is edifying to you as well.
The first step is getting engaged.
The second step is profession and/or baptism. Just like the wedding ceremony, it is a time to announce your decision, share your joy with others, celebrate the change in your life, and create accountability between you and those witnessing. It says, I’m a believer, so you can expect me to behave like a believer, much like a wedding says, I’m married, so you can expect me to behave as a married person.
After that, there’s the rest of your life, committing to the one you love.
The third step is the most important. It’s the commitment. Through the wonderful, the not so great, and the terrible, you decide each day to follow Christ, just like a person in a marriage must make decisions and follow through on them in order to be a good spouse.
The first step is getting engaged. The first step is “getting saved.” Just like a marriage proposal, this experience can be shared with others or kept quietly between two, it can be an exciting and joyful occasion or a somber and simply important moment, and it can be decided quickly or thought over meticulously. The details differ because people are different. The bottom line is you DECIDE to do it. There is a point of becoming.
Then, there’s a wedding ceremony.
The years and years won’t always be as magical as the engagement or the wedding day, but they are what will define your marriage. Likewise, the years and years of living a life for Christ will define you as a follower.
Ephesians 5:31-33 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Not Another Silly Love Song
Matthew 22:35-40 35One of [the Pharisees], an expert in the law, tested him with this question: 36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.
Monday was that special day of the year when those with a someone special get all gooey-eyed and those without all too often get distressed and depressed: Valentine's Day. Now, if you, like the majority, spent the last week thinking about yourself and/or your sweetheart, I'd like to invite you to use that selfishness for your own education while reading this.If you didn't dwell on Valentine's Day, or it was maybe to you just a Monday, then I would like to open your eyes as well.
In Matthew 22, Jesus commands us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. You know that means love others, but have you ever thought about how you love yourself? Have you thought about how you can be intentional in trying to love others? Take a minute and try to make a list... your first reaction may be that you don't think about yourself that much, but if you take time to consider the following questions, you may have a different impression.
2. Do you protect yourself from pain?
Do you join in when others are putting you down? If you find out that others are gossiping about you, do you agree with them? Do you point out your flaws to others? Do you spread rumors about yourself? Do you encourage your guy to flirt with other girls?
3. Do you do some things just to make yourself happy?
Do you ever ...make your favorite meal for dinner? ...spend time playing games or watching TV/movies that other people don't like? ...take naps? ...have your nails done or get a massage? ...go shopping for non essentials? You can think of the things you do just for you...then, think of how you can do things just to make other people happy. (Please handle with care.)
4. Do you want other people to care about you?
Monday was that special day of the year when those with a someone special get all gooey-eyed and those without all too often get distressed and depressed: Valentine's Day. Now, if you, like the majority, spent the last week thinking about yourself and/or your sweetheart, I'd like to invite you to use that selfishness for your own education while reading this.If you didn't dwell on Valentine's Day, or it was maybe to you just a Monday, then I would like to open your eyes as well.
In Matthew 22, Jesus commands us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. You know that means love others, but have you ever thought about how you love yourself? Have you thought about how you can be intentional in trying to love others? Take a minute and try to make a list... your first reaction may be that you don't think about yourself that much, but if you take time to consider the following questions, you may have a different impression.
1. Are you interested in what happens in your life?
Does it matter if you ...lose a job? ...have your phone stolen? ...are low on money? ...get your feelings hurt? ...have a bad day?
Show interest in the lives of others.
Does it matter if you ...lose a job? ...have your phone stolen? ...are low on money? ...get your feelings hurt? ...have a bad day?
Show interest in the lives of others.
2. Do you protect yourself from pain?
Do you join in when others are putting you down? If you find out that others are gossiping about you, do you agree with them? Do you point out your flaws to others? Do you spread rumors about yourself? Do you encourage your guy to flirt with other girls?
You don't do these things to yourself; don't do them to other people.
3. Do you do some things just to make yourself happy?
Do you ever ...make your favorite meal for dinner? ...spend time playing games or watching TV/movies that other people don't like? ...take naps? ...have your nails done or get a massage? ...go shopping for non essentials? You can think of the things you do just for you...then, think of how you can do things just to make other people happy. (Please handle with care.)
4. Do you want other people to care about you?
Do you like for people to listen when you're talking to them? Do you want others to notice when you're having trouble? Do you appreciate help in your times of need? Do you prefer doing tedious tasks with someone else? Does a thoughtful card, note, email, voice mail, etc. make you smile? Do enjoy having a meal you didn't have to cook? Do you like getting gifts?
Luke 6:31 "Do to others as you would have them do to you."
Luke 6:31 "Do to others as you would have them do to you."
5. Do you pray for things that you need, want, and hope for?
Pray for others.
James 5:16 "...The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much."
Pray for others.
James 5:16 "...The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much."
I implore you, use the opportunities you are given, be intentional in loving others, and in humility value others above yourselves.
1 John 4: 7-12 7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him . 10This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
It's All in Your Head
Until November my exercise routine was inconsistent, to say the least. The week before Thanksgiving I found resolve. I made plans with a friend to start exercising every morning before work, and soon I was working out 6 days a week. I had done this every week for seven weeks, but week before last, exhausted from the busyness of my life, I got off schedule. This weekend, looking at the calendar where I track my progress, I lamented to Matt, "I have got to get back on track Monday. I haven't gotten 6 days the last two weeks." Then, I started laughing at myself, because I realized that now 3 days a week is not good enough for me when there was a time that I would have been proud of that. It's all about attitude. How awesome is it that I have raised my standard such that I still exercise 3 times on a bad week?
It got me to thinking: Attitude is at the heart of all our successes... and our failures. When we look at scripture, this is undeniable.
• I'll start in Genesis. Why was Cain's offering not accepted? Attitude. See Genesis 4 for the story and 1 John 3:11-12 for the assessment.
• The Israelites... Do I even have to elaborate? Every time God gave them another reason to believe it seems they found something else to complain about.
• And then there was Job. Job 1:1 "There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job; and that man was blameless, upright, fearing God and turning away from evil." Job suffered greatly for the glory of God. His health, his livelihood, his family: nothing was left untouched. Job's wife said, Curse God and die. What is your life worth now? Job 2:10 "But he said to her, 'You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?' In all this Job did not sin with his lips." The struggle was tough, but Job glorified God in a way that we remember to this day, thousands of years later, AND he was reward. His doubting friends were cursed, he became prosperous and fruitful, and he lived a long life.
• Look at the parable of the widow. She gave very little, but her attitude in giving was commended above that of those who gave much. Mark 12:41-44
The Bible is full of examples of attitude determining the outcome of God's people. Additionally, scripture tells us that our attitude matters. Read Philippians 2:1-18.
Now, if I have you convinced that your attitude determines your outcome, let's talk about how that plays out at home. For most of us, the very worst of who we are comes out with our families. It's sad but true, the people we love the most are the ones we dump our dark, ugly feelings on. I can understand how people justify this, but I don't think it's okay. According to my understanding of scripture, we should start right at home if we want to end right everywhere else. The best advice given to me regarding marriage was this: Have mercy. So simple, but so difficult. (SIDEBAR: My mom's motto has long been "Don't sweat the small stuff." Funny that we have to tell ourselves not to worry about small stuff, but more often than not, the source of discontent in our lives is not a major issue.) God's mercy is the most amazing thing about Him. The fact that he provides for us despite our lack of gratefulness is what makes His "grace, grace...wonderful grace."
So, considering Philliapians 2 and that phrase, 'Have mercy,' I'll explain how I've learned to adjust my attitude.
My husband leaves his gigantic, size 13 shoes laying all over the living room floor. I'm not talking about one pair each day or the same pair all of the time. I'm talking four, five pairs of shoes taking up the walking space of the tiny living room in which resides a woman who often trips over her own two feet. This is not a sometimes problem, it is an every day issue. A typical reaction might be to fuss and nag. A possible reaction could include arguing and throwing said boats at my husband's head. Instead, I decided during our first year of our marriage to adjust my attitude and solve the problem. Rather than letting the shoes drive me crazy or starting a fight with my beloved over small stuff, I pick them up. Several times a week I pick up his shoes and carry them to his closet. I do it in love, and now it is less a chore and more a habit. My husband knows that I pick up his shoes. The shoes in the floor don't bother him, but my act of picking up his shoes with a smile does make him aware of my love. Thus, a potential weekly fight becomes a loving act of service. I could give other examples, but this is my favorite. Whenever your special fella does that one thing that isn't really important but seems designed to turn your hair gray, smile and adjust your attitude. It will be hard at first, but over time you'll begin to see a difference in yourself. And, really, our attitudes are the only ones we can control, and when we take care of our attitudes, other people are always affected.
For you this may need to start broader than the space of your living room. Are you loudly impatient when the checkout line doesn't move as fast as you think it should? Do you complain because you don't agree with the way your boss runs things? Is your reaction to other people's rudeness to outdo them with your own venom? The point is denying our own rights in order to show love to others.
Follow these simple steps:
a. Hold your tongue.
b. Choose to live Philippians 2.
c. Watch the glories of God unfold.
mercy [mur-see] n compassionate or kindly forbearance (refraining from the enforcement of a right) shown toward an offender
It got me to thinking: Attitude is at the heart of all our successes... and our failures. When we look at scripture, this is undeniable.
• I'll start in Genesis. Why was Cain's offering not accepted? Attitude. See Genesis 4 for the story and 1 John 3:11-12 for the assessment.
• The Israelites... Do I even have to elaborate? Every time God gave them another reason to believe it seems they found something else to complain about.
• And then there was Job. Job 1:1 "There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job; and that man was blameless, upright, fearing God and turning away from evil." Job suffered greatly for the glory of God. His health, his livelihood, his family: nothing was left untouched. Job's wife said, Curse God and die. What is your life worth now? Job 2:10 "But he said to her, 'You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?' In all this Job did not sin with his lips." The struggle was tough, but Job glorified God in a way that we remember to this day, thousands of years later, AND he was reward. His doubting friends were cursed, he became prosperous and fruitful, and he lived a long life.
• Look at the parable of the widow. She gave very little, but her attitude in giving was commended above that of those who gave much. Mark 12:41-44
The Bible is full of examples of attitude determining the outcome of God's people. Additionally, scripture tells us that our attitude matters. Read Philippians 2:1-18.
Now, if I have you convinced that your attitude determines your outcome, let's talk about how that plays out at home. For most of us, the very worst of who we are comes out with our families. It's sad but true, the people we love the most are the ones we dump our dark, ugly feelings on. I can understand how people justify this, but I don't think it's okay. According to my understanding of scripture, we should start right at home if we want to end right everywhere else. The best advice given to me regarding marriage was this: Have mercy. So simple, but so difficult. (SIDEBAR: My mom's motto has long been "Don't sweat the small stuff." Funny that we have to tell ourselves not to worry about small stuff, but more often than not, the source of discontent in our lives is not a major issue.) God's mercy is the most amazing thing about Him. The fact that he provides for us despite our lack of gratefulness is what makes His "grace, grace...wonderful grace."
So, considering Philliapians 2 and that phrase, 'Have mercy,' I'll explain how I've learned to adjust my attitude.
My husband leaves his gigantic, size 13 shoes laying all over the living room floor. I'm not talking about one pair each day or the same pair all of the time. I'm talking four, five pairs of shoes taking up the walking space of the tiny living room in which resides a woman who often trips over her own two feet. This is not a sometimes problem, it is an every day issue. A typical reaction might be to fuss and nag. A possible reaction could include arguing and throwing said boats at my husband's head. Instead, I decided during our first year of our marriage to adjust my attitude and solve the problem. Rather than letting the shoes drive me crazy or starting a fight with my beloved over small stuff, I pick them up. Several times a week I pick up his shoes and carry them to his closet. I do it in love, and now it is less a chore and more a habit. My husband knows that I pick up his shoes. The shoes in the floor don't bother him, but my act of picking up his shoes with a smile does make him aware of my love. Thus, a potential weekly fight becomes a loving act of service. I could give other examples, but this is my favorite. Whenever your special fella does that one thing that isn't really important but seems designed to turn your hair gray, smile and adjust your attitude. It will be hard at first, but over time you'll begin to see a difference in yourself. And, really, our attitudes are the only ones we can control, and when we take care of our attitudes, other people are always affected.
For you this may need to start broader than the space of your living room. Are you loudly impatient when the checkout line doesn't move as fast as you think it should? Do you complain because you don't agree with the way your boss runs things? Is your reaction to other people's rudeness to outdo them with your own venom? The point is denying our own rights in order to show love to others.
Follow these simple steps:
a. Hold your tongue.
b. Choose to live Philippians 2.
c. Watch the glories of God unfold.
mercy [mur-see] n compassionate or kindly forbearance (refraining from the enforcement of a right) shown toward an offender
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)