Can parents still be lovers?

What a long, exciting year of discovery it has been in the Wallace household: 2012, the year of the baby. There have been many things that I have learned and pondered, but I guess I was too busy napping or snacking or planning to write them down. Ah, parenthood. You thought it began when the baby was born, but, no, we found it really started the first moment we saw that tiny heart flickering on a black and white screen. So, while there are many things I would have liked to share (read: should have sat down and written) this year, I'm going to start today with what is on my mind today.

Have you ever watched Wife Swap? This television program chooses two women who are basically polar opposites and has them swap homes/families/lives for a period of time. I don't know why it intrigues me, but it's one of those things I will always stop for when flipping channels. I haven't seen the show in a long time, probably a year or more, but maternity leave has found me channel surfing a bit more than normal. (Not that I spend my whole day watching TV, but, seriously, you can't accomplish much else when nursing someone who can't yet hold up his own head.) So, in an episode that I saw yesterday there were many, vast differences between the two families, but one MAJOR issue caught my attention.
     Couple A thought that their marital relationship was more important than their role as parents. This manifested in them spending more time recreationally together than with his son (her stepson), attempts to force their own interests upon him rather than help him develop interests of his own, and basically a pattern of 'my spouse matters more to me than my child'.  The husband actually stated that he was making his own childhood dreams come true and his son could find a way to do the same for himself.
     Couple B prioritized the success of their children (really, their one, hip hop star nine year old, not all 5 of their children) over the health of their own relationship. They spent more time working to pay for the pursuit of "his dream", they stated that the children's dreams (again, the child's dreams) were more important than their own, and they didn't appear to have much interaction with one another at all.
     Of course, when the two wives swapped places, chaos ensued. The two husbands were most upset by the whole thing.

The problem is, I think they're both wrong. I've long believed that the modern parent has an unfortunate tendency toward putting children first, above themselves, above their spouses, and above sanity. Now, just to be clear, I don't think that the marital relationship should be overemphasized above the responsibilities of parenthood either. It's just that there has to be balance. That said, here is my thesis:

The role of spouse is not more important than the role of parent,
but the health of the marriage relationship is an essential element to successful parenting. 

You see, people tend to think you sometimes have to choose spouse or children, but I say you should never choose. Our families should be built on well-balanced, God-centered relationships. This means we love our spouses and make a point to spend quality time with them, AND we love our children and spend a reasonable amount of time on/with them. When children see their parents engaged in a loving, healthy relationship, it teaches them what relationships are and how to have them. Furthermore, when they realize that their parents can't/won't Always prioritize them above all else it teaches them about the realities of life: humility, sacrifice, balance, . .

Being parents together truly provides us with new things to learn and love about each other, gives us new ways to grow together, and validates our marriages in a way that few other things can. If we approach parenthood as a team, as a part of our lives that offers new opportunities to glorify God, support one another, and become better versions of ourselves, we already have a better chance of doing it right. Loving each other well should not take away from the care of our children; rather, it allows our children to have better, happier parents.

To the Single Ladies: You may think this doesn't apply to you, but, being a Girl Scout, I'm always inclined to err on the side of preparation. It's far better to consider these things before they are your present reality. 
To those who have been married longer, had children longer, have more children, etc.: If you're thinking, Sure, talk to me in a few years and we'll see what you think, I ask that you prayerfully think on the questions below and reflect before commenting. I'm not saying that balancing marriage and parenthood is easy. My mama didn't raise no fool. I'm saying, we should all take time to think about what our priorities are and how they effect us, our children, and the perception others have of our God.  

I guarantee that healthy marriages and (emotionally and mentally) healthy children are most often found in the same households. 

I'll end with some questions to ponder, and I hope that you will think them over...

• Was the prospect of having children the reason that you got married or was being in love with one another what led to having children? 
• How can we teach our children that God's kingdom is more important than anything else if what our actions show them is that they are more important than anything? 
• When your child starts out into the world on his/her own what do you want him/her to believe about love and marriage?