Eyes Wide Open

One can spend most of her life studying and learn so little compared to what experience will teach her. It seems to me that God always chooses to teach me when I'm not looking for a lesson. Recently my husband and I led a group of college students on a trip to Arlington, Texas. I planned and organized for the team, something I really enjoyed. Organizing has always been a secret passion of mine, and teaching has really fine-tuned my skill. That being said, I have always acknowledged the fact that administration is not a spiritual gift of mine. Perhaps, running a classroom successfully had fooled me into thinking that I could manage people, but there are so many things that are different in that situation. The classroom is a controlled environment, in which I am the only adult and students must submit to my authority, I am clearly heads above them in knowledge and understanding, but, more importantly, I am aware of their sensitivity and the difference between when they are learning a tough lesson and when they are going to simply be crushed. In the classroom, I am in the zone. It is my sweet spot; I have the edge.

So, in Arlington, I took charge, made plans, and crushed spirits. It wasn't intentional, nor was I aware of it while committing the treachery. I had just taken such great efforts to plan and prepare for this trip that I felt others should recognize that I had things other control. Someone would make a suggestion, and I, being so full of pride, would be insulted that the person doing so had not trusted my plans. The problem is that I hate to be doubted. Soon, I realized I had made a few of the sweet young college women afraid to say anything to me. Looking into their faces I would see looks of sheer intimidation and discomfort. So, what do you do when you don't like what you're seeing in the mirror? 


1. Identify the problem. I had to figure out why I was demeaning these sweet girls with my quick-tempered tongue lashing. I had stepped outside of my gifts. Being in charge is quite a far stretch from my true abilities, which lie among service and compassion.
2.Admit that you've failed. I had to swallow my pride, look those girls in the eyes and say, "I was wrong." I attempted to explain why I had been rude and asked for their forgiveness. It wasn't fun, but it was necessary. Because simply admitting to yourself that your wrong, accomplishes much less than letting others know that you see what they see.
3. Ask God to make you better. I thanked Him for teaching me through the situation and began drowning myself in His word in search of what more I could gain from this period of great weakness. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 
4. Learn from it.  So, does this mean I can never lead a trip again or organize an event for the college students I so treasure? Of course not! In fact, it has already been requested that I apply some of that organizational prowess to future events. However, I now know that when administering something, there are some considerations that must be made.

• I must rely more on my mate. My husband is excellent at administration and a lot better at holding his tongue than he gets credit for. He was there by my side throughout this horrible experience, and I took all of the responsibility upon myself, leaving him to do the heavy lifting and nightly runs for ice. 
• I have to be aware of my limits. Knowing that I'm stepping into a territory where I am not a natural, I should always lean on God. I prayed for this trip...for the students, the work we would do, the things we would learn, the people we would meet.... I never prayed that God would be in control or that He would enable me to be a good leader. I took for granted that it was a big deal. 
• I need to daily bathe myself in light. The hardest, busiest times of life are those in which we most need time in the Word of our Creator, the one who has made us and given us instructions to live by.

What being married has taught me about following Jesus.

I had an epiphany a few months ago. Always, I've known that a definite relationship exists between the marriage of a man and woman and the bond between Christ and the Church. It was clear that marriage was to be modeled after God's love for His children and that the family was meant to glorify God. The fact that scripture could teach me how to be married was undeniable. However, it took me about 26 years (3 of which I was actually married) to understand that marriage could teach me how to follow Jesus. Below is a visual I created to demonstrate my light bulb moment. I hope that it is edifying to you as well.

The first step is getting engaged. 

The first step is “getting saved.” Just like a marriage proposal, this experience can be shared with others or kept quietly between two, it can be an exciting and joyful occasion or a somber and simply important moment, and it can be decided quickly or thought over meticulously. The details differ because people are different. The bottom line is you DECIDE to do it. There is a point of becoming.

        

Then, there’s a wedding ceremony.

  The second step is profession and/or baptism. Just like the wedding ceremony, it is a time to announce your decision, share your joy with others, celebrate the change in your life, and create accountability between you and those witnessing. It says, I’m a believer, so you can expect me to behave like a believer, much like a wedding says, I’m married, so you can expect me to behave as a married person.

 After that, there’s the rest of your life, committing to the one you love.

 The third step is the most important. It’s the commitment. Through the wonderful, the not so great, and the terrible, you decide each day to follow Christ, just like a person in a marriage must make decisions and follow through on them in order to be a good spouse.

The years and years won’t always be as magical as the engagement or the wedding day, but they are what will define your marriage. Likewise, the years and years of living a life for Christ will define you as a follower. 

Ephesians 5:31-33 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.                

Not Another Silly Love Song

Matthew 22:35-40    35One of [the Pharisees], an expert in the law, tested him with this question: ³⁶ “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” ³⁷ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ ³⁸This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ⁴⁰ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.

Monday was that special day of the year when those with a someone special get all gooey-eyed and those without all too often get distressed and depressed: Valentine's Day. Now, if you, like the majority, spent the last week thinking about yourself and/or your sweetheart, I'd like to invite you to use that selfishness for your own education while reading this.If you didn't dwell on Valentine's Day, or it was maybe to you just a Monday, then I would like to open your eyes as well. 


In Matthew 22, Jesus commands us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. You know that means love others, but have you ever thought about how you love yourself? Have you thought about how you can be intentional in trying to love others? Take a minute and try to make a list... your first reaction may be that you don't think about yourself that much, but if you take time to consider the following questions, you may have a different impression.

1. Are you interested in what happens in your life?
Does it matter if you ...lose a job?  ...have your phone stolen?  ...are low on money?  ...get your feelings hurt?  ...have a bad day?
Show interest in the lives of others.

2.  Do you protect yourself from pain? 
Do you join in when others are putting you down? If you find out that others are gossiping about you, do you agree with them? Do you point out your flaws to others? Do you spread rumors about yourself? Do you encourage your guy to flirt with other girls? 

You don't do these things to yourself; don't do them to other people. 

3. Do you do some things just to make yourself happy? 
Do you ever  ...make your favorite meal for dinner?  ...spend time playing games or watching TV/movies that other people don't like?  ...take naps?  ...have your nails done or get a massage?  ...go shopping for non essentials?  You can think of the things you do just for you...then, think of how you can do things just to make other people happy. (Please handle with care.)

4. Do you want other people to care about you? 

Do you like for people to listen when you're talking to them?  Do you want others to notice when you're having trouble?  Do you appreciate help in your times of need?  Do you prefer doing tedious tasks with someone else? Does a thoughtful card, note, email, voice mail, etc. make you smile? Do enjoy having a meal you didn't have to cook? Do you like getting gifts?
Luke 6:31  "Do to others as you would have them do to you." 

5. Do you pray for things that you need, want, and hope for?
Pray for others.
James 5:16  "...The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much."

I implore you, use the opportunities you are given, be intentional in loving others, and in humility value others above yourselves.

^{1 John 4: 7-12   7} Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.  Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹ This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him . ¹⁰This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹² No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

It's All in Your Head

Until November my exercise routine was inconsistent, to say the least. The week before Thanksgiving I found resolve. I made plans with a friend to start exercising every morning before work, and soon I was working out 6 days a week. I had done this every week for seven weeks, but week before last, exhausted from the busyness of my life, I got off schedule. This weekend, looking at the calendar where I track my progress, I lamented to Matt, "I have got to get back on track Monday. I haven't gotten 6 days the last two weeks." Then, I started laughing at myself, because I realized that now 3 days a week is not good enough for me when there was a time that I would have been proud of that. It's all about attitude. How awesome is it that I have raised my standard such that I still exercise 3 times on a bad week?
It got me to thinking: Attitude is at the heart of all our successes... and our failures. When we look at scripture, this is undeniable.


• I'll start in Genesis. Why was Cain's offering not accepted? Attitude. See Genesis 4 for the story and 1 John 3:11-12 for the assessment.


• The Israelites... Do I even have to elaborate? Every time God gave them another reason to believe it seems they found something else to complain about.

• And then there was Job. Job 1:1 "There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job; and that man was blameless, upright, fearing God and turning away from evil." Job suffered greatly for the glory of God. His health, his livelihood, his family: nothing was left untouched. Job's wife said, Curse God and die. What is your life worth now? Job 2:10 "But he said to her, 'You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?' In all this Job did not sin with his lips." The struggle was tough, but Job glorified God in a way that we remember to this day, thousands of years later, AND he was reward. His doubting friends were cursed, he became prosperous and fruitful, and he lived a long life.


• Look at the parable of the widow. She gave very little, but her attitude in giving was commended above that of those who gave much. Mark 12:41-44


The Bible is full of examples of attitude determining the outcome of God's people. Additionally, scripture tells us that our attitude matters. Read Philippians 2:1-18.




Now, if I have you convinced that your attitude determines your outcome, let's talk about how that plays out at home. For most of us, the very worst of who we are comes out with our families. It's sad but true, the people we love the most are the ones we dump our dark, ugly feelings on. I can understand how people justify this, but I don't think it's okay. According to my understanding of scripture, we should start right at home if we want to end right everywhere else. The best advice given to me regarding marriage was this: Have mercy. So simple, but so difficult. (SIDEBAR: My mom's motto has long been "Don't sweat the small stuff." Funny that we have to tell ourselves not to worry about small stuff, but more often than not, the source of discontent in our lives is not a major issue.) God's mercy is the most amazing thing about Him. The fact that he provides for us despite our lack of gratefulness is what makes His "grace, grace...wonderful grace."


So, considering Philliapians 2 and that phrase, 'Have mercy,' I'll explain how I've learned to adjust my attitude.

My husband leaves his gigantic, size 13 shoes laying all over the living room floor. I'm not talking about one pair each day or the same pair all of the time. I'm talking four, five pairs of shoes taking up the walking space of the tiny living room in which resides a woman who often trips over her own two feet. This is not a sometimes problem, it is an every day issue. A typical reaction might be to fuss and nag. A possible reaction could include arguing and throwing said boats at my husband's head. Instead, I decided during our first year of our marriage to adjust my attitude and solve the problem. Rather than letting the shoes drive me crazy or starting a fight with my beloved over small stuff, I pick them up. Several times a week I pick up his shoes and carry them to his closet. I do it in love, and now it is less a chore and more a habit. My husband knows that I pick up his shoes. The shoes in the floor don't bother him, but my act of picking up his shoes with a smile does make him aware of my love. Thus, a potential weekly fight becomes a loving act of service. I could give other examples, but this is my favorite. Whenever your special fella does that one thing that isn't really important but seems designed to turn your hair gray, smile and adjust your attitude. It will be hard at first, but over time you'll begin to see a difference in yourself. And, really, our attitudes are the only ones we can control, and when we take care of our attitudes, other people are always affected.


For you this may need to start broader than the space of your living room. Are you loudly impatient when the checkout line doesn't move as fast as you think it should? Do you complain because you don't agree with the way your boss runs things? Is your reaction to other people's rudeness to outdo them with your own venom? The point is denying our own rights in order to show love to others.


Follow these simple steps:
a. Hold your tongue.
b. Choose to live Philippians 2.
c. Watch the glories of God unfold.


mercy [mur-see] n compassionate or kindly forbearance (refraining from the enforcement of a right) shown toward an offender

Submission Impossible?

            Most books, sermons, and discussions regarding submission seem to begin with an attempt to define submission. My approach is somewhat different. I believe, before you start thinking about what submission is and how to accomplish it, you must first accept the idea that submission is your responsibility and you are capable of it. I married much sooner than many of my female friends, and I have heard a lot of commentary on what single ladies say they feel about the matter. It’s difficult to fully grasp the idea until you are bound for life to a living, breathing, meat-eating man.  However, the more we learn and consider the possibilities, the better we will be prepared for this adventure.

           Today, I'll start with some common arguments and my responses to them.  Before I do that, there’s one basic fact that I must enforce. Everything else I say on the topic of marriage is built on this. I’ll expound on it later, but for the sake of your attention span I’m just going to put it out there right now:

Marriage is a commitment. It isn’t about soul mates, fate, passion, feeling good, happiness, or any other thing. It isn’t something to be taken lightly. Its primary purpose is to reflect the relationship between Christ and His followers. Marriage is a stick-to-it, don’t-give-up, seek-the-face-of-God, love-until-it-hurts commitment.

             That being said, let’s return to the topic at hand… Ephesians 5:
22Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

Argument 1: He’ll have to be a really strong man to lead me.   Usually, these words are spoken by a woman who considers herself to be strong-willed, independent, a leader. My response to this is simple. Being submissive isn’t about finding a man who can handle you. It’s about you being strong enough to follow God’s instructions. The misconception about submission is that it means you’re the weaker person, but the truth is being Biblically submissive takes resolve, determination, and great strength of character. So, while you certainly shouldn’t commit to marriage with a man who you don’t believe can lead you, know that being submissive is about your strength, not his, or, more exactly, it’s about God’s strength in you.

Argument 2: My husband (fiancé/boyfriend) is not as serious about his faith as I am. There are a lot of variations on this one, but it boils down to this: How can I follow someone who is not leading? Well, there are two ways to respond to this. 1) If you aren’t married yet, you can choose not to marry him. End the relationship, and quit complaining.  2) If you are married, or you are committed to this man, you have one option left. 1 Peter 3: ¹In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, ²as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. A story that always comes to mind is that of an older couple I once knew-the grandparents of a friend. When they married, she was a devout follower and he was not. She respected him, served him dutifully, and prayed and fasted without fail. She never nagged him. He became a believer, and when I knew them, they were a faithfully devoted couple. Recently, I heard a revivalist say, Wives, it is not your job to demand that your husband lead you. When you do that, you are leading him. It can be difficult not to tell your husband when you think he’s failing in some way, but the truth is men get their feelings (i.e. ego) hurt easily. God, in His great wisdom, advises women again and again to respect their husbands. Your husband will not feel respected if you are telling him how poorly he leads you. However, if you are devoted to him and faithful to God, he can “see your good works and glorify your Father, who is in heaven.” [Matt 5:16] 

Argument 3: He doesn’t do his part. If he isn’t treating me with love and respect, why should I submit to him? Because it’s not about you. It’s all about God. If you don’t believe the purpose of your life (and therefore all facets of your life) is to reflect the glory and love of God, you’re missing a very important point of Christianity. God blesses us with the companionship of a spouse because He understands how we work, but, as with all blessings, we must use what we’re given to honor Him. When you look at your mate, and he’s disappointing, think about what your life must look like to God sometimes. He extends unconditional love and mercy toward us despite our failures, and we, in turn, should extend love and mercy toward others. If we both keep thinking, ‘He/She isn’t doing her part, so I’m not going to try,’ we create an endless cycle of hurt feelings, disappointment, and bitterness. Again, being a submissive wife requires strength and grace. Sometimes it means taking the first step. Christ served his disciples to teach them how to lead; he didn’t lecture, argue, or berate. Ephesians 5: ¹Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; ²and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us.

There is much to understand about how to submit and why it’s important. The first question, though, is Are You Willing?

If everyone else jumped off a bridge...

 "Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth. But avoid worldly and empty chatter, for it will lead to further ungodliness, and their talk will spread like gangrene...Everyone who names the name of the Lord is to abstain from wickedness. The Lord's bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will."  (2 Timothy) 

My mother taught me to think for myself. Among her frequent admonishments were, "You're the one who has to wear it," "Those girls aren't my daughters," and, most importantly, "Don't base your success on what others are doing; do the best you can do."  It was a good lesson for me as a teenager, but these days I have adapted that bit of advice to a slightly deeper standard: 

Don't base your success on what others are doing; do what God wills for you.

What God can do through us ALWAYS exceeds what we are able to do with our very best. This is a principle I operate on and one that has helped me to experience many blessings. So, consider these things:

• When someone treats you poorly, don't think about what they are doing. Think about the possibility you have to show the unconditional love of God. 
• When people are gossiping or engaging in "empty chatter" you know not to join in, but what do you do? Some may stand awkwardly, refusing to participate while others will simply walk away. Have you ever spoken up in love to put an end to the talk? It may not be the popular choice, but, then, God never promised us popularity... nor did He suggest that it was good. (Mark 8:34-35 “<Jesus said,> Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it.)
• When you consider the state of your life, don't think, "Have I done everything I wanted to do by this point in life?...Should I be (married, having children, settled, etc.) by now?" Simply ask yourself this:
  
  
   "Am I living the life that God has prepared for me?"

Chief Learner

    

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. (Matthew 5:6)

Once, in my youth, I sat in a "Sunday School" class where the teacher asked, "How many of you read your Bible every day this week?" I lifted my hand, fully expecting to see others do the same, so I was dumbfounded when no one else did. In fact, a few others raised eyebrows at me, as if to say, "Liar." The teacher went on to ask, "How many of you read your Bible one day this week when you weren't at church?" This line of questioning continued until I realized not one of my peers had even picked their Bible up since the last time they were sitting in that room. They had no desire for personal growth, or so it seemed to me. At that season in my life, I couldn't seem to make it through a day with out pouring over scripture in search of truth and wisdom.

I'm still hungry for knowledge, but when I look back a decade to that teenage version of my self I have to chuckle. That simple girl, so excited to know more of God's word couldn't comprehend how many people don't "hunger and thirst for righteousness." Now, there have certainly been times in my life when I was sick of being in school, tired of studying, and completely disgusted by the idea of reading yet another journal article, but the longing for wisdom and knowledge has never been far from me. This is so true, that I actually asked my husband to buy the two books pictured here as my birthday gift this year. He was delighted, knowing that he wouldn't have to 'come up' with a gift on his own, and I was excited that I had an excuse to get new books on what has recently become one of my favorite topics.

I enjoy reading Christian, biblically-based perspectives on marriage because, for years, having a marriage that truly exemplifies God's purposes for the union of man and woman has been a resolution of mine. I passionately seek to be the kind of wife that Matt can be proud of and, more importantly, that God will use for His glory. Although I feel that I've done fairly well, improving all the time, the last 3 1/2 years, I continue to read, study, and glean from those further along in the journey, and, you know, I haven't gotten bored yet. I've seen that when I seek wisdom from God, the supply is endless. I can never be all-knowing. And, though our marriage is a good one, it isn't perfect. After all, how can two imperfect people ever create a perfect partnership?

This year I'm working under a principal who refers to herself as the chief learner. She reminds her staff that we will become ineffective as teachers the day that we quit learning, and I think, How Biblical!  So, that's the purpose of this blog, really. Though my sincere hope and prayer is that the words I am able to share here will be edifying to all who read, so long as I am being continually motivated to learn more about my Savior and am growing as a child of God, my time will not have been spent in vain.